Sim #8 -- The end isn't really the end

6:08 AM - Sunday, Oct. 23, 2005
Sim #8 -- The end isn't really the end

We’re breathing a sigh of relief now that the “final” sim session is behind us (and we haven’t hung ourselves yet). We decided last night that we both wanted more practice before our checkride, and tonight was a lot less pressure-filled knowing that we’d have another stab at these maneuvers to get them before we sat down with the FAA. Thankfully having extra sim time is not a huge deal here, and about 1/2 the guys going through sim training now are scheduled for extra sessions. It's still hard on my ego, but I'm rapidly learning that professional jet flight training isn't at all about ego. Ego and complete mental, intellectual, physical and sensory overload don’t mesh.

I wish it had been a lot more successful than it was, but at least we made improvement. Tonight we practiced the maneuvers in which we're needing more time at the controls -- V1 cuts, go arounds and single-engine go arounds are the biggies. Unfortunately visual approaches are really tough for new hires in this plane for some reason, and we're no exception. Partially because the visuals in the sim aren't exactly realistic, and partly because we're just not used to the sight picture. The visual approaches are actually kicking my ass. Hard. The CRJ has about a 3-degree nose down attitude on final and it's such a strange picture from the Citation, which has a far less pronounced nose down pitch angle. So when I level off at the minimum descent altitude on a hand-flown non-precision approach, hit the planned descent point and head down, even though I see my VSI in my inside scan, I'm still troubled by the outside visual picture and unconsciously tend to decrease that pitch attitude, which causes me to be too high on approach. So, I end up with far more pilot-induced go arounds as a result. Which really pisses me off, especially when we're down to one engine. We are improving from one session to the next, but we're still not there. I think by the time we're done with another 8 hours in the box in each seat (two more full sessions) we'll be ready for the ride. And the good news is that maybe the examiner we've got currently scheduled for our checkride (known as the company hard-ass) will be rescheduled to someone else! We can only hope.

I'm trying not to get discouraged. It's hard not to, when our instructor pilot says things like, "Well, I just can't teach you to land. We'll have to call in the big guns and get someone else for you guys." Jerk. He bitches that I'm not doing it right, but he hasn't been able to tell me exactly what I'm doing wrong and how to fix it. Ugh. It's embarrassing to be at this point in my career and struggling with visual approaches.... C'est la vie, no? Again, it’s ego-killing and frustrating as hell.

So, as it stands we're going to be pushed back 2-3 days for our ride, putting in around the 27th or 29th. Which means we've got 2 more days of study time for systems at least, and 2 more days in the damn hotel. I'm really burning out. At this rate I'll never want to upgrade to captain, never want to transition to another aircraft and will never want to leave ASA....

It's so hard to not get frustrated and to maintain a good attitude. I'm feeling like although I'm making progress, it's not enough and it's not quickly enough. It sucks to feel like a retard, doesn't it? My Citation training kicked my ass, but that was to be expected with only 350 hours total time and never having flown anything more challenging than a Seminole. But I expected FAR better of myself here. I've been in a jet for the last 18 months for goodness sake! SO humbling.... Steve was struggling, and still is in some ways, but he's flying the plane better than I am. I've got the profiles and call outs down better, but he makes the damn plane do what he wants more effectively. Again, humbling....

Thank goodness tomorrow is a day off. I’ll get caught up on the systems studying, get some rest, resume my exercise profile (which got shot all to hell last week) and might even do something relaxing (there are a few fun-sounding geocaches in this area I have my eyes on).

And we’ll get it, eventually. At some point in the next week Steve and I will take and pass our checkride successfully, earning our airline pilot wings. We’re trying hard to focus on that fact right now….