Simulator #3 -- Stalls, Missed Approaches, and Single Engine Approach & Landings

5:40 AM - Sunday, Oct. 16, 2005
Simulator #3 -- Stalls, Missed Approaches, and Single Engine Approach & Landings
I can honestly say that I psyched myself out tonight before I even got to the simulator. I woke up with a feeling of dread, that dread lasted the entire day, and by the time 9pm rolled around I was wishing for an arm amputation as opposed to getting in the “box” tonight. Or at the very least, the removal of a few fingers.

The good news is two-fold: I finished the Stall Series (which demonstrates that I can hand fly (no autopilot) the aircraft when the poop hits the fan and we’re on the verge of being out of control. It took me longer to get them (there are 3 – “clean” at altitude, approach to departure and approach to landing), but I got ‘em. I still don’t feel like I did them well, but Keith said they were good enough for him to mark “SAT” (satisfactory) on my evaluation form. Hopefully they’ll come together more smoothly by the checkride in 12 days, though we won’t get to practice them until the last sim session. The other good news of the night is that Steve was abducted and replaced by a CRJ pilot! He flew the heck out of the plane tonight relatively speaking and his confidence has soared. Now, if I could figure out why mine has plummeted….

Actually, I have a pretty good idea about how I got myself psyched out. I came in here having a darn good clue about how tough these months would be, and about how much there is to learn in such a short period of time (though it seems like I’ve been living at the Red Roof Inn my entire adulthood). But I also guessed that I’d do better than average because of my jet background. That I’d be light years ahead of my sim partner, who has spent his professional years as a flight instructor in small trainers. And all through ground school, and all through CPT (sitting in front of a mock cockpit “mind flying”) I was ahead. And even in the first 2 sims comparatively speaking I was WAY more ahead of the plane than Steve. But tonight I walked in there feeling unsure of myself, nervous about knocking out the stalls once and for all, and dreading the whole evening. Not a situation ripe for learning…. I set the bar too high for myself, thinking that because I can fly a Citation competently I should also be able to a CRJ without much trouble. But I realize now that’s akin to expecting the Space Shuttle pilots to go from flying all the high tech fighter jets to completing a mission in the the Orbiter without all that training. Just because I’m a good pilot doesn’t mean that I can hold myself to the standards to which I’ve been holding myself. Not only is it unrealistic, but it’s now messing with my mind. Which is something I can’t do with one iota less of right now!

So, my instructor reiterated tonight that I was doing fine. I’m still ahead of the (gasp) “average” new hire and I’m still definitely on track for an on time checkride on the 26th. He even wrote in my daily evaluation form that I did a “good to excellent” job tonight. “So”, I ask myself, “why are you having a hard time letting the compliments in? Why are you making your self-esteem worse than shaky when you’re DOING FINE?, DAMIT!” Because I expect better than fine? Because I know I’m not “average” and I almost never accept an average performance from myself? Because I have clung to the fact that I had a bit of a head-start in my class of flight instructor guys and I’m doing everything I can to retain that lead? A lead that I’m SO not used to having in the aviation aspect of my life! I was the one who struggled the most at PanAm, or so it seemed. And indeed I felt confident coming here to ASA, but I think I’m on the verge of eroding that confidence dangerously low if I keep up this pressure. Now is the time to nip it in the bud, accept that I’m doing the best I can and that somehow it’ll all gel in the last 5 sim sessions. Now is the time to, as Bob Jex would always say, “press the ‘I believe’ button”. I realize I’m not doing myself any favors by keeping this pressure on myself. It was humbling to see Steve fly so well tonight – and good for him! Good for him for trusting that it would happen. Now’s my turn to believe. Competition is good, to a point. I’m learning that….slowly.

On a good note, I’m very proud of my eating, sleeping and exercise habits while on this weird schedule. I’ve been eating very healthy (and ravenously – you’d think I was a maggot!) and have been getting at least 8 hours of sleep a day. Sometimes not all at once, but my 1-2 hour naps before hitting the sim are making a lot of difference in my mental clarity. For some reason I’m still dropping weight (loss of all those carbs?) but I suppose that’s to be expected with all the mental activity burning up my cells. I’m also running in the middle of the night on the hotel’s treadmill for 35-45 minutes. By next week my goal is to be on that sucker for an hour each day. It’s a good time to bond with my flashcards, and it is creating a great sense of balance, trying to keep from sliding off the end of the treadmill while holding and reading hundreds of little color coded cards! And then in the evenings, after I’ve awakened and eaten a healthy breakfast at 4pm, I take the flash cards outside for the requisite amount of sunshine, walking around the airport for 30-60 minutes. I’ve never had this much rigor with my schedule, though it’s not quite one I wish to keep once training comes to an end!

The days and nights seem to fly by in some respect, and at other moments it seems like it’s never going to end. But the reality of it is that in just over a week I’ll get to check one more thing off my To Accomplish In This Lifetime List – airline pilot.